I’ve been wearing the wrong bra for nine months

Motherhood has made me feel more powerful than I have ever felt. I still leave the house feeling like a cream puff. I can’t find a bra that does what a bra is supposed to do while I’m breastfeeding.

I’m the kind of person who fixates. I can’t leave a thing alone until I’ve found the solution or built it myself. See, I’m 9 months into motherhood and I’m starting to feel like myself again. I’m working out. I’m going out after bedtime for cute cocktails with girlfriends. My husband took me out on a date last night. But every time I reach into my underwear drawer, I’m met with bras that literally look like medical devices or are so ill-fitting that you could trace the bra line. There has to be a solution, right?

I became obsessed with my ill-fitting bra about a week ago. So I went down the rabbit hole of nursing bras that are quickly available. The US market seems to be dominated by (or at least my Instagram ads are dominated by) three brands - Momcozy, SKIMS, Kindred Bravely. I already owned Momcozy (which looks and feels like a medical device) and Kindred Bravely (a comfy lounge bra that does absolutely nothing for my chest).

So I rush ordered a SKIMS nursing bra. Not the bralette because I have plenty of lounge bralettes from Amazon. I want something structured, lifting, smoothing, flattering. It was none of those things. The straps were too thin to keep my chest up when my breasts are full. The cut definitely didn’t do any smoothing and therefore was absolutely not flattering.

I assumed I'd sized it wrong and measured again. Nope, I’d ordered exactly what their site told me to.

Okay, so now I’m annoyed. I have a drawer full of bras and they feel like the only ones that people use (marketing is crazy, isn’t it?). But nothing helps me feel like a powerful mom. So I started googling UK and Australian brands. And there they are. Structured, supportive, actually pretty, made for nursing. Panache. Hotmilk. Cake. Brands most American mothers have never heard of, because they aren't in our feeds.

Why is none of this here?

We rush women back to work at six weeks and we can't produce an undergarment that makes them feel like themselves when they get there. Just lounge bras that can't lift a lemon.

I’m mad.

So I ordered three more. A Panache from the UK. A Hotmilk from Australia. And a Fleur du Mal, which is American despite the name.

Fleur du Mal makes over 113 bras. Only one of them is a nursing bra.

Panache Ana nursing bra comes in one color, even though the non-nursing version comes in 6.

They're all in the mail. I'm now $1,000+ into this, and I couldn't wait, because I am incapable of leaving a problem alone.

So I went to my local bra shop to get fitted. I’m convinced maybe I’m the problem and I’m just ordering the wrong sizes. I've been buying 34D and 34DD. That's what I wore before pregnancy, and my milk regulated around four or five months postpartum, so I'm not fluctuating much.

She measured me at a 32E.

I’ve been wearing the wrong band size for months. I’ve spent close to 12 hours researching bras obsessively before walking into the store and I still had it wrong.

(For those that don’t get tunnel vision when bras don’t fit, 32E is the sister size to 34DD. Same cup volume, smaller band. She told me the band should be snug on the loosest hook because it stretches with wear. Mine was snug. Almost tight. That's apparently correct.)

I walked out with two nursing bras, one regular bra for date night, and a matching panty. Another $650.

And here’s the worst part about this experience. The entire store (yes, a store that only exists to sell bras) had six nursing options. Six.

One of them was Halloween themed.

My three bras that I ordered online arrive this week. I’ve spent more than $1600 trying to find one that I would wear out of the house AND feel good about showing my husband. I’m starting to think this isn’t just a me problem.

If you’ve been through a version of this, I’ve made a short form about it. It only takes 2 minutes to fill out. There isn’t anything to buy. I just want to know if I’m alone here.

I'm going to keep going until I find the bra or make it myself. Subscribe if you want to watch that happen.